I’m sitting here, still thinking about it. Thinking about how my heart jumped when I first saw her coming up the steps. Thankful that she hugged me, since I knew I certainly wasn’t going to — even though it’s all I wanted to do. Staring at her smile. Walking around, talking for hours. Freezing our asses off while baring our souls just that tiniest bit. It was not a typical first date.

I’m still thinking about lying in bed with her, just staring into her eyes. I’m still thinking about when she was talking about “living in the moment”, and it gave me the courage to grab her hand. It wasn’t long before I told her I wanted to kiss her, and she told me she’d been waiting the whole night for me to do it. So I did it. Well, okay, technically, she did it. We kissed. It was… It was brilliant. I’m overcome with a wave of emotion just thinking about it. I woke up next to a beautiful girl this morning, and my eyes teared up as I realized I might be close to getting exactly what I’ve wanted for so long.

I know she’s different. I know she’s not like the others. But the others have damaged me. I’m so scared that she’s just going to abandon me like they did. This is the first time I’ve felt so… Alive because of someone. She makes me feel different. She makes me feel like I’ve always wanted to feel, like the person I’ve always wanted to be. I honestly had the best night of my life last night.

July 15th, 2009. A night I don’t think I’ll be able to forget if I tried.