I found a girl named Jessica. She was obsessed with the Beatles. Much less intimidating than being obsessed with sex. We talked for about a week before I asked if she wanted to go out and do something. She said that it would be ‘wonderful’. This made me happy.

So last Friday rolled around, and there she was. We went to the local bowling alley, which was packed. I guess I should have figured it would be that way on a Friday night, hm? So we go to our lane, and we start playing. Then the music starts up — Nickelback. Ugh. Surely a fellow Beatles fan will agree with me that they should “turn this shit off”. She looked at me and said with a straight face, “I love Nickelback! They’re the best!”

Wait. What?

I suppose it didn’t really matter anyways. Being the little Woody Allen that I am, I complained like a Jewish comedy writer from New York all night. I couldn’t stop myself — lord knows I wanted to, but I was a perpetual train wreck. The momentum had built, and I kept moving forward, destroying all in my path. Some people can appreciate that sort of humor, but this girl was not one of them. She abandoned me in the middle of dinner, and I laughed heartily. See ya later. Enjoy “the best” music has to offer.