I had been going to the Art Institute of California - Sunnyvale for all of two hours when I realized what a horrible mistake I had made in enrolling there.

Three months of mediocre training, awash in arrogance and ignorance, I decided enough was enough and left, going back to my old school, Gavilan in Gilroy, in February. I signed up too late to get into anything I really wanted to take, but I was thrilled that I got into a US History course.

On the first day of class, that’s when I saw her. I don’t even know how to describe her, she was the girl I had always imagined in my head when I envisioned the perfect girl for me — Shoulder length brunette hair, thick-rimmed glasses, a turquoise jacket laden with peace signs, and the cherry on top, a gold hand bag featuring a Legend of Zelda Triforce symbol. I had no idea that girls like this existed.

And… What did I do? Nothing. I never said a word. Thus is the way of the Shy Guy. Even though it’s what I wanted so badly, I didn’t even attempt to say a thing, let alone ask her out.

I have never been in what can be considered a relationship. I’ve never been a boyfriend, I’ve never had a girl swoon over me, I’ve never been the object of somebody’s dream. It just hasn’t happened. I guess it’s what happens when you’re critically ill for three years straight, and you don’t get to leave the house very much. I mean sure, I guess there was Christina, but I’m not going to lie to myself and say that what we had was real — she was using me to get to “him”. 

I feel like one of those characters in a science fiction movie who was frozen for hundreds of years, only to wake up and nothing is the same. All of my friends have girlfriends. All of them are in love. I’m happy for them… But I can’t tell you how much it breaks my heart that I’m not in love, too.

I’ve started this journal because I want to convince myself that I’m capable of progressing. I want to remember that this is the day I decided to change my life.

Mark it down: 2009 is the year Chris made the decision to be the person that he has always wanted to be.